BREAKUP RECOVERY
Breakup recovery is so needed especially when moving on from the cluster that was 2020. When you hear the word “toxic”, what’s the first thing that pops into your mind? An object? A person? Or perhaps Poison Ivy? I really should slow down on quick comic books references, you know? If you’re new to my blog understand that I always strive to combine actionable information while flowing into my own authentic style of self-deprecation and humor. Irrespective of what your imagination may form, we can agree on one thing. And that’s that nothing good comes from toxicity. When it comes to relationships, having a toxic partner can be quite damaging emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. After such breakups, some come out fresh and ready to explore new romance but most end up being toxic themselves. How to avoid such scenarios? Journey through the healing tips listed below.
FOCUS ON YOURSELF
Dating after hard breakups is never easy. You may start to nurture dark thoughts about your next lover. “I’ll probably end up in another toxic relationship…it won’t last,” don’t entertain this thought. Just like mushrooms are not all poisonous, don’t generalize all relationships as such. Keeping that in mind, understand that your next romantic encounter can eclipse the previous one in every good way. You just have to reclaim yourself and pick yourself up from the shattered pieces. This is a good time to engage in new hobbies such as yoga. Meditation has also been proven by various research to revitalize the soul and strengthen the muscles. People often forget that mental and physical health are interlinked, exercising without the right diet will only cause further harm. You should as well avoid taking hard drugs to numb the pain of getting dumped. Ah! Remember alcohol, the infamous fiend in times of despair? This should not be your next line of action. Instead, visit the grocery store and take small steps such as purchasing fruits such as apples, bananas and oranges. Your organs will be most grateful. You can also buy a pet and shower it with love. Pets can have such an influence in one’s life, just ask John Wick.
TALK TO OTHERS
Don’t do it! Contacting your toxic ex, visiting him or her and mopping over pictures and chat history on social media slows down your breakup recovery. Excluding your former toxic partner is one of the first steps to healing. Depression is normal because breakups can be heart-breaking, and requires a mental reset, but don’t let that engulf you. This is a moment to reflect and forge ahead. You can engage in the grieving process alone or with friends – the choice is ultimately yours. Quality ice cream and Netflix? Or a cocktail of sleepovers and deep talks with close friends? If it comes to it, schedule a session with a life coach, therapist, or yours truly. The goal is to ensure that you recover and become healthy again to pursue a new and better relationship. Also, avoid breakup sex and most importantly, rebound relationships. That combo is completely unhealthy as you’re throwing in the towel towards progress in the face of familiarity.
UPGRADING YOUR LOVE LANGUAGES
Everyone loves differently. Imagine if everybody had the same personality, a bit boring and mundane right? Though I’d argue that much of the verbiage on online dating sites is starting to converge into the basicville but that’s for another blog. A toxic relationship might have affected your psyche in ways unknown to you. You may ignorantly be mimicking the bad acts of a former lover such as skipping out on quality time or physical intimacy. Concerning the latter, remember that physical touch is loving platonic affection and not sexual. It could be a kiss, holding hands, a hug, snuggles and all other stuff that make one feel good and warm inside. The main thing is that you will find love again and to build a stronger bond with your new partner, it is imperative to understand his or her love language and synchronise with it. Compliments go a long way and so does the art of the Starbucks gift card.
EMBRACE THE FUTURE
It’s tough dealing with the honest reality that comes with ending a toxic relationship. Accept that it was not your fault, things just didn’t work or you had compatibility issues. In the end, you’ll be glad you made the right decision. “Dodged a bullet” vibes are a thing. You are not a clairvoyant but you can at least try to envision the future without that toxic ex. In terms of attachment styles, you probably never felt confident in the past relationship and partner. Toxic relationships are usually comprised of dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant attachment styles. Was emotional intimacy lacking in your past relationship? Did you suffer emotional or physical abuse? Yes?! Then you shouldn’t brood over such separation from a noxious bond. Then again, you could be that toxic partner and not even be aware.
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Interested in learning more about attachment styles and learn actionable techniques that will help you move forward from a breakup? Breakup recovery is important in a world that almost moves too fast. Consider scheduling a date coaching appointment and/or signing up for our Dating 101 ecourse.