Inclusive Exclusivity
History tells us that the ban on Marijuana in 1937 was as a result of the culminated efforts of a narcotics commissioner, who argued that Marijuana smoking by white women makes them want to seek sexual relations with Black men. Smart move to legislate the ban yeah?! Who could have blamed them?! In a time when racism was rife, nobody would have wanted to lose their women to the other race – here comes the racial fetishism.
While you are definitely racist if you need to get high to find someone of another race attractive, one thing I won’t totally judge you on is your dating preference. It will be totally unrealistic and unfair to criticise anyone for having a dating preference. I mean, we like who we like, and it’s only logical that people are generally inclined to dating people that have similar cultural backgrounds and life experiences.
So you have a preference for someone who looks a certain way and those features happen to be an identity of a particular race, fret not. You’re not on anyone’s scrutiny radar and no one should blame you for your dating preference. It’s totally okay and probably natural. The only problem with 99.9% of dating preferences is that it comes with a plethora of stereotypes, prejudices and racial biases undertones.
Saying I love peaches but I don’t mind trying apricot and apples is totally different from saying no apricot, no apples, or just peaches. Then again, humans are not food. You’re not Hannibal and definitely shouldn’t have an exclusive dating preference for people of a particular race. Ten out of ten times, you’re racist if you have a strict dating preference or don’t consider a particular race attractive. Oh?! You want to give a good reason for your strict dating preference that’s is not subtly coated with negative stereotypes, prejudices, or racial biases, yeah? I will like to see you try! While it’s not impossible that you come up with a valid reason, there’s a 99.99% percent chance that the world would have come to an end before you can give a valid answer.
What’s your flavor?
Also, more annoying is positive stereotypes and fetishization. As if not wanting to date some particular races is not bad enough, objectifying and fetishizing people of a particular race is much worse and quite dehumanizing. The same way a black woman will feel offended if you say to her that you want to have a taste of jungle fever or think her dominant and hypersexual is the same way Asian women will feel if you only want them because you think they’re more feminine and submissive than women of other races. HINATA will rather let you die of the ‘yellow fever’ that has you crazed over Asian women. No one wants to be categorized as an exotic breed that you’re addicted to. Only wanting to have sex with women with beautiful feet is a fetish. Wanting to have sex with black women because you think they’re more energetic and hypersexual is racist.
In a world revolutionized by dating apps, there’s something for everyone. And niche dating is an evidence of this. If eating curried haddock kedgeree is your thing, there are gluten-free singles dating sites. If ex-cons are people who tickle your fancy, there are felony dating services. Those aforementioned dating preferences are valid. We are in a world where you can do your thing and be yourself. What’s troubling is seeing online dating profiles stating ‘no Whites/Whites only, no Asians or more creatively no rice. Other common ones include Black only or no chocolate, no curry to deter the Indians, and no spice to redirect the Latinos. Another notable example is, ‘I usually like bears, but not panda bears.’ People eh? Always creative when it comes to insults or racist remarks. And it’s no surprise why dating sites have been inculpated for promoting racism. But the undisputed truth is that it’s the users who take advantage of these platforms to express their racial bias. Thankfully necessary measures are being made to keep racism in check on dating sites.
Black Berry & Yellow Fever
This article will not be complete without mentioning the fact that Black women and Asian men have it the worst when it comes to dating preference ranking. According to a five-year study by OkCupid and a TIME’s article, statistics show that these groups are the least desirable; black women are ranked lower compared to women of other races because they are thought to be more masculine and aggressive. Also ranking lower compared to men of other races are Asian men. As they are thought to be less masculine and effeminate. The white folks generally have it good and Asian women are the most desired women in the world.
Food for Thought
One thing is certain, having a dating preference doesn’t necessarily classify you as a racist. It’s the racist world in which we live in that’s to be blamed. Much of what forms our racial dating preference is flawed typecasting and negative stereotypes about other races that are nurtured by our race and continuously passed from generations to generations. This is why we need to do better. We have to be open-minded and more accepting of people of other race. More importantly, we should stop discounting an entire group of people based on one part of their identity. So do you feel you are exclusively attracted to a particular race? Ask yourself why? And honestly discern if it’s an innocuous dating preference or fetish.
If you’ve felt a bit disappointed in the dating world due to cultural barriers or want to know more about how to approach interracial dating, consider booking a free 1st visit with The Dating Doc himself by heading to this link.