The Initial Journey
After the initial infatuation subsides, normalized behavior may lead to feelings of feeling “stuffed”. This is when attachment issues in dating arise. The self-sabotaging also involves assuming the other partner will not accept them at their lowest energy or that they will soon grow tired of them. This is where it’s important to realize the many benefits of being in a relationship. Some of the more obvious benefits is access to a person who is a combination of confidant, friend, workout partner, and lover. Other more objective benefits that stand the test of time include the sharing of resources and reproduction. The current push for “I don’t know what I’m looking for” is an excuse to not test the boundaries of growing attached to someone.
This attachment can be healthy as it allows for mutual trust and a deepened sense of truly being connected. It can however become unhealthy when that attachment defines a person’s self-esteem and overall value instead of complementing one’s individualism. That’s why it’s vital that a single in the dating market completely identify what triggers feelings of hesitation when traversing the dating market. Ask yourself the below questions to access if you are ready for attachment, or simply dating for validation or a cure for your boredom. Avoiding issues of attachment in dating saves time and energy on both sides.
Self-Assess
- Have you made strides to learn from past relationships and move forward?
This seems very self-explanatory but it’s important to move on from people that hurt you but the emotional responses themselves. Are you quickly over it when a simple disagreement starts? Do you automatically shell up when a potential partner addresses issues in a relationship? If you lack the grit and endurance to manage and build a healthy relationship it may mean you are not ready for an attachment. - Do you fear failed relationships in the future?
Do you self-sabotage to protect yourself from any pain you assume will happen anyways? Have you categorized your dating journey as “just for fun” because any emotional investment will end up being a waste of time? Whether you’re optimistic towards success with the right person or expecting the worst will lead – you will be right either way. - Are there any destructive habits preventing you from feeling like the best version of yourself?
There might be destructive habits that might be the underlying reason for your dating life not taking off to the next level. Some of these could include physical health, mental health, and even the circle of friends that influence your overall attitude. Adjusting your diet or trying out meditation to your daily ritual can lead to a path of introducing new healthy habits while removing destructive ones. - Are you marketing yourself the best way?
It’s imperative that you let the world know how special you are. Whether it’s online dating or being part of a volunteer organization, it’s important to not only be around people but let them get to know you. Who knows you may end up having your own personal matchmaker or meeting someone the organic way. The chances that the person of your dreams will just show up at your door knocking will be very slim – even as he/she hands you a UPS package.
Respect Applies to All Relationships
The above not only apply to building a fruitful long term relationships, but can even be adopted for healthy short term relationships. Respect and effective communication should not only apply to one relationship model or the other. If anything, it’s important to address if you are ready for attachment as this is a great way for you to practice self-growth when it comes to dating.
If you enjoyed the information but need an expert to give you that extra push as you take the steps towards dating success, considering hiring the Dating Doc. We will be able to build an easy to follow customized plan that includes behavioral modification exercises. It’s one thing to provide expert advice, we emphasize positive permanent changes that prevent you from making the same mistakes again. This will help in building a much more aware of purposeful version of yourself.