Seven months ago, I added in my Facebook status that I’m finally in a relationship. My boyfriend Ivan bragged about it and reminded me how grateful he was that I had publicly announced this grand social media moment. We’ve been together since August last year, but I am not the type of person who likes to post about my personal life for others to misinterpret. I hardly update my status as it is and only content with rarely using the Facebook messenger to keep up with friends that randomly come to thought. Ivan, who by the way happens to be a sweet man, never failed to tag me on quotes, songs, poems and any pictures of us together. At first, I admit I was overjoyed by the gesture of finding a man who finally makes a habit of being mushy. I mean heck you’d have to be sick in the head not to want to feel loved? Then after two months we finally “progressed” our relationship by having our first fight. It all started when at times I couldn’t answer his calls due to work obligations so in masculine genius, he decides to post a message on my Facebook wall. At first, I wasn’t aware of the privacy settings, so I treated it much like receiving a private message from him.
At first, I admit I was overjoyed by the gesture of finding a man who finally makes a habit of being mushy. I mean heck you’d have to be sick in the head not to want to feel loved? Then after two months we finally “progressed” our relationship by having our first fight. It all started when at times I couldn’t answer his calls due to work obligations so in masculine genius, he decides to post a message on my Facebook wall. At first, I wasn’t aware of the privacy settings, so I treated it much like receiving a private message from him.
After getting off from work and completing my ritual of coffee, walk the dog, and a quick stretch, I decided to open my account. To my surprise the top right of my Facebook glared back at me with over 47 notifications. These were for the most part comments that were made as replies to Ivan’s efforts. I remember that at this point I started to feel uneasy, the memory is accompanied by me staring at my Keurig trying to soak it all in. We should have immediately talked privately, but it felt like everyone in my social circle was now part of a paparazzi party – they couldn’t stop talking about us. He made us an instant celebrity among the over 500 friends I have. I was too insecure and it felt like I was stuck in a relationship due to me becoming “Facebook Official” after years of rare social media use. I was thinking of leaving him and regaining myself, but in the back of my mind were all the possible reactions from people around us. It started to make me think about other factors that others might be going through that make them feel stuck in a relationship:
- Family: At times family members can be the biggest support system but also the harshest critic. I’m sure some married couples stay unhappily after due to pressure from either side of the last names.
- Friends: Sometimes we just want to prove them wrong that we are capable of being in a relationship. Do we really want to appear as failures while we secretly endure a situation we don’t want to be in?
- Religion: ‘Nuff said!
- Kids: I started to ponder how this has to be the most difficult decision two people would ever have to make. On one hand kids want to see a permanent union between the parents that created them, but at what emotional and mental price? My personal opinion is that after some time kids can sense the low energy and general unhappiness between parents – it’s best to regain yourself for their sake.
- Social Media: This includes friends and family that could misinterpret my intentions with breaking it off or staying. Will my lack of replying to his romantic quotes mean I don’t care? What if I respond too much does it mean the online public can see I live in a fairy tale? Do I really want to receive a message from that gossiping friend of a friend that I was better off single – well that’s rhetorical.
This all made me think over and over if it is time to end our relationship and leave him. An unhappy relationship or marriage has got to feel like the pits. No offense but I’m really happy I didn’t have kids with him. The worst thing is, a recent research has found that it could even prove fatal to stay in an unhappy relationship. People experiencing this have a higher risk of depression and have even committed suicide. Moreover, it can cause high blood pressure and an increased heart rate that can lead to heart disease. This can lead to unhealthy habits such as smoking and drinking that can increase the body level of stress hormones such as Cortisol.
When I researched the effects of being trapped in a relationship I could make an even more firm decision. I can still remember how I sacrificed part of myself not just psychologically but also physically. Like the study said, I started smoking and drinking again after almost a year of quitting. I began to have sleepless nights that even affected my career. This led to me frequently late to work and receiving my first ever corrective memo from my boss, I felt like my world was turned upside down.
Whenever you feel trapped in a relationship the best advice I can give is to go out with true friends. Take some time to enjoy their companionship and eventually get around to talking about it. Thanks to my own quartet that remind me of characters off Sex & The City, I felt much better and literally slept better. With the momentum and newfound perspective, I would talk to Ivan and confess my feelings that same night. The good thing for me is that he is truly a good man. He apologized for his actions and we decided that we both had to let go of this situation. Three weeks after the break up I decided to hike to the top of hill at a nearby park (yes truly hiked) and shouted out all the pain and struggles I put myself through. I’d consider this my second point of advice but results may vary.
Ivan and I were together for about nine months and I’d say seven months in the Facebook world. I can recollect our happiest moments from the memories of his sweetest thoughts and gestures but also to the rocky times that didn’t make a social media tag. It may be hard and painful to close this chapter however in the end it’s better for us. We are still young but no matter what age I’m certain it’s never too late for anyone. I strongly believe that this will not affect my relationship with my family and friends. I am very lucky because they have been very supportive of every decision I’ve made. When it comes to social media I have zero worries as it doesn’t pay my bills and I can easily delete older pictures or posts we shared. Further, I have learned about the privacy settings on Facebook so now I know how to delete annoying videos I did not want to be included in. I wonder what I should do about the promise ring he gave me? I could return it but on the other hand I’ve been learning how to sell items on Facebook Marketplace.